10.1.09

的、地、得

想问一下:
什么时候我们要用“的”?
什么时候我们要用“地”?
什么时候我们要用“得”?

9.1.09

变:回文

看了猎人的《变》,突感而发,写了以下的回文:

“我没变,只是你变了!”
这些对白都耳熟能详,给人一种感觉就是“变”的人都是负心汉,都是没有良心的王八蛋。

其实每一个都在变,变是一个正常的人生循环。
你今天比昨天高了,你变了!你王八蛋!
你皮肤比上次黑了,你变了!你没良心!



为什么会有人接受不了改变呢?
这里所谓的改变,不是说把一切以往的东西改掉...
传统文化变成嘻哈文化。
古老建筑改建高楼大厦。

而是昨日的我又坏习惯,今天我把它改了,难道就是错?
今天的我为了迎合需求,做出了适当改变,难道就不对?

大番薯

老师在教地方研究时告诉学生:
『同学们,让老师来告诉你们树的一生。
首先,它从一颗种子...
...
...
最后,这个类似怪兽的东西就把大番薯木材放上大番薯罗里...
啊,同学,考试作答时请把大番薯一词去掉。』



恐怕学生看到考卷时,只记得大番薯。

7.1.09

你的作业呢?

老师问:『你的作业呢?』
学生口吃起来道:『留...在家...里了。』
老师又问:『留在家给谁看?』
学生无话可说:『...』



以上桥段很熟悉吧?
这些就是你的年代、他的年代和我的年代的老师爱问的两个问题。
不晓得为什么,学生时代被老师这样问,长大后也开始蠢蠢欲动,要开始问这些问题了。

红新月会与跆拳道

老师A问:『老师啊,你负责什么活动项目啊?』
老师B答:『我负责红新月会。』
老师A说:『是吗?那我们真的是天生一对了!』
老师B问:『为什么呢?你负责什么活动?』

老师A说:『我负责跆拳道啊!』
老师B问:『跆拳道?和红新月会有什么关系?』
老师A说:『关系可大了,你们上课前,把学生送来我们这里,被打了一顿后,才回去包扎,不是跟好效果吗?』
老师B无言:『...』

5.1.09

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints.
We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time.
We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life.
We've added years to life not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor.
We conquered outer space but not inner space.
We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.
We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.
We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less.
We've learned to rush, but not to wait.
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes.
These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill.
It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

George_Carlin

开学第一天

今天有谁和鄙下一样要上学的请举手。
你你你...手举高一点!
对,就是你!

2.1.09

惊心胆颤的电话

你知道什么是午夜凶铃吗?
或者你看过one miss call吗?
你曾经听过让你惊心胆颤的电话吗?

鄙下有...

就在刚刚...

老板打电话来,要鄙下星期六加班!
啊!天啊!

奉劝各位,下班后,老板的电话不要听!
因为那比诈骗集团的电话更让你后悔!